This chapter starts out by asking: What can it mean to be afraid to be a gentleman? For many people chivalry is dead. Being a gentleman really boils down to basic manners. In a social setting I will certainly stand up when I'm introduced to someone. I still open as many doors as I can for women. I do these things because I was taught that it's good manners to do so. I was taught some of these things and others I just observed from other people. An example given by Shalit shows that Jerry Seinfeld doesn't carry Elaine's grocery bags inside for her, he also takes the better seat on the airplane. This is a bad example for her to use. Modern culture is definately going to mock tradition. If something along the lines of the Titanic happened today I don't think the outcome would be much different. Most people will remain composed until the moment they realize that there's no point in being civilized.
Next Shalit talks about male modesty. She defines it as moderating one's sexual activity and generally reserving it for one's beloved. Male modesty is strongly tied to the notion of honor and obligation. Men shouldn't brag about your women. I think she's actually right about this. You really can't be modest when you are running around talking about your latest conquests all the time. A man of honor is someone who respects female modesty (pg 149). Shalit says that twenty years ago you would hold and protect your lovers but today, you would only have a lover to impress the outside world. There certainly are people that love to brag and show off when it comes to sex.
For me courtesy is a big thing. I went to a wedding a few weeks ago. After the reception the newlyweds were walking out to cheers and sparklers. They approach the vehicle they are using to leave the reception and the groom didn't open the door for the bride. I cringed. She actually yelled at him and forced him to walk back around to her side and get the door for her. I often wonder what happened to these basic manners?
-John Johnson
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3 comments:
I'd have to completely agree with everything you said, John. I'm from a young generation of people, yet I was taught my whole life to be respectful of girls and treat them with nothing but respect. It's like you said, though. Basic manners are about as easy to find as Waldo. They are seriously so few and far between with people today that it's hard for me to even comprehend. Whether it's holding the door for people, eating dinner, cussing, and several other things, so many people have such a lack of respect for others. I certainly agree about the Titanic or major disaster scenario. The first thing I would think to do would be to save family members, women and children, and then myself. I don't think times have changed as much as Shalit would like to think they have.
The issue of male modesty is something I'm not completely sure which way I feel. I'm not one to brag about things or really enjoy talking about them, but sometimes its O.K. to me to talk to friends about what you did and would have liked to have done. So, I guess I'm kind of on the fence. The only time I think it's disrespectful is if you are telling everyone or the girl doesn't want you to say anything about it because that's disrespecting her wishes. Maybe that is disrepectful to her to talk about it at all, though. Like I said, I'm on the fence.
And your story about the bride and groom is just sad. I open the door for girls that I don't even know and always for girls I'm walking with or hanging out with. I can't even imagine not doing that for my wife or girlfriend. Maybe our society should invest in mandatory classes for manners?
-Brandon Kinlein
As a girl I was taught to treat everyone with respect, especially my elders. Children are still taught today to be resepctful no matter who you talk to. But why don't those manners stick? I think it is because children are also taught to be their own person today and to be unique. As soon as the child is away from their parents (I know so from babysitting) they can be completely different and even disrespectful. One time I had a child lie to me about coloring on the carpet with a permanent marker; as soon as the mother was home and the child was asked what was used to color on the carpet he automatically told her that it was indeed a sharpe. Why would he lie to me and not his mom?
Male modesty is different depending where you here it. Most of the time it seems that guys brag to their guy friends about girls instead of them bragging to other girls. None of my guy friends have ever bragged to me about the amount of girls they ahve hooked up with, they would know that I don't care.
I thought the story about the groom was cute. I think he was just caught up in the moment, but it's good to know that he now has a woman that will bring him back to how things are supposed to be and keep him grounded.
~Chelle Dean
Good for people to know.
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