'The Armor of Hope' section of Chapter Five really caught my attention. In particular, the opinion of therapist Judy Seifer who warns women, "to avoid sounding unbalanced, keep your expectations in check, realize that this wonderful man had a very full life before he met you and that this life will continue. Yes, you're a part of it, but you're not the only part of it...show him you're an independent person..."
In many ways I agree with this statement. I've had too many friends put all of their time and effort into a guy only to find their world shatter when the relationship ends. Why do many women become so dependent on their partner that they can't imagine life without him? Do men feel this way? Society makes it seem like women are needy,dependent and that guys just don't want the commitment. Maybe I don't understand this dependency to men because I have not been in a serious relationship in a while. I think two people can have a relationship and still have their own separate lives, friends, or something they can call their own. Especially at my age, I think young women have too much to look forward to and not enough time to latch ourselves to some silly boy!
P.S.- Don't get me wrong, I'm all about relationships, just not to the point it becomes an obsession.
-Lindsey Winesburg
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7 comments:
I agree with this statement. To become completely obsessed with someone is never healthy, whether a girl or boy. I was actually in a relationship where the guy was the dependent one, so in response to Lindsey's question do guy's feel the same way. Yes, there are guys who seem to act like puppy dogs and follow you around. I'm not bashing my past relationship in anyway, but the notion that he was in a sense only happy if he was with me, became quite obnoxious. I believe you lose yourself if you become obsessed with someone.
Kristine
That warning goes for both women and men. Balance is key in any relationship, even if it's just friendly. If you change your ways for someone you'll end up becoming something they probably won't like. You lose that original self that they were attracted to.
-John Johnson
Well I would have to agree with you on some points. Becoming obsessed with a relationship can be fairly unhealthy. Sometimes people take relationships and status way too far and are as extreme as killing themselves or not eating. For anyone who has been in a serious relationship sometimes NOT becoming obsessed is easier said than done. I know guys who have most definitely been the same way, I think it's just more frequent that you see girls becoming obsessed with guys. Being around someone 24/7 and knowing nothing but the fact that they are always around you can be a hard thing to transition to not seeing them at all. I think that you must certainly reatin yourself and have time for yourself while still maintaining the relationship. Obsession over your companion can be a good thing, but it usually ends up being a bad thing. It's much harder to move on if you are completely obsessed and devout every second of your time to your relationship. Relationships are hard work but, you can't over-do it or else it will never work.
Brandon Kinlein
I agree, some women do become way to involved in their relationships way to early, now dont get me wrong alot of guys do it too. I have had two relationships that i concider to be "serious" in one she seemed very dependent and in the other i was. i think it isnt a question of if guys or girls are the "dependent" person i think it is a case by case situation.
~chris
Of course an ideal relationship for me would be one in which my partner and I both had our own lives on the side of our relationship, but this is an unclear line that many girls cross in a relationship without realizing that they did so. I have recently did this with my own boyfriend. He went away for a few days and I caught myself missing him and not being able to find anything else to do. When did I become so dependent? This worried me and made me decide to take a small step back in my relationship. He said that he missed me too but then he preceded to tell me about all the things he had been doing the past few days. Obviously he wasn't so dependent on me. I don't think that it this is a bad thing for girls to have to deal with. They just need to be careful and consider their own feelings more often.
~chelle dean
I also agree with this statement. I've seen so many girls lose all their friends for a guy and after the guy is gone, she is left alone with not even a friend for condolence.
This may be argued, but I feel that women tend to be more "needy" than men because of our strong emotional desires. We conform to the standards of today because we want to be wanted and loved because it is so rare.
But yes, in a relationship it is not healthy for either one to be too dependent on the other. Healthy relationships need time with others and with themselves.
Relationships are sometimes difficult to balance. In my opinion if you have a relationship you have to be prepared to share part of your life with your partner. I am talking about share problems, happy moments, sad moments, bill’s payment, as well as to know how to respect limitations and expectations of your partner. We are human beings, and it is normal to have different ways to think about life. Sometimes you are going to give up some personal plans to thinking about the common plans that you have as a couple relationship. So, it’s a challenge. Obsession is a mental disease that must be treated with psychologist. I am talking about a fair relationship, on both parts can have their own “freedom” balanced.
Jose Luis Iglesias
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