Chapter Seven – Can modesty be natural?

On chapter seven Shalit discussed if modesty can be natural. First she discussed about women vulgarity and modesty. Again she returned to talk about pornography as an example of vulgarity, and asks if women are much vulgar than men. She used the argument of women being vulgar in order to attempt to be equal as men. It seems to me that she likes to emphasize that there is a competition between women and men in all situations in life. She discussed about etiquette between men and women, and she gave some examples of men’s behavior after long term relationships. I don’t believe that “bad manners” can have a bad influence in couple’s relationship, if both accept them. In other words, before you get into a relationship you must know about your partner, and you have the right to break up the relationship. Her second proof is based on the way how women dress themselves. Well, I think this is very personal. In my opinion we should never stereotype women. They are indeed different than men. Some women came from different cultures with different values. The right question should be: Are women really embarrassed on the streets? Well, I’ll leave the answer for you guys. The third proof “don’t-say-it-that-way”, she wants to prove that women are always misunderstood by men. I think that Shalit generalizes men. There are different kinds of men, and if men don’t respect women’s feelings, for sure he is not the “right” person for her. What is wrong in that? It is a question of choosing the “right” person, or a person who can at least understands her. So, let’s go to her fourth proof. It’s crazy. Of course young girls are embarrassed about everything. After all, they don’t have enough life experience to decide what it is wrong or right. So the only thing that woman can do, and I’d like to include men, is to take risk. Life is all about taking risks. Finally she acknowledges that there are differences, and she used religion as an example of different concepts of modesty as a virtue. I don’t agree with Shalit when she says that “woman who is praised may be conveying to the world by her bashfulness”. Nowadays women are as competitive as men. This is the proof that she is wrong. Perhaps she sees herself as a woman in the 50s. I don’t believe in false modesty, as Shalit argues. I believe that there are different “levels of modesty”. For example what it is modesty for me might not be it for other person. A rich person could think that modesty is to have a one million dollar house, only one luxurious yacht, and only one expensive car because he or she compares his or her modesty with that of a billionaire person who has four million dollar houses, two luxurious yachts, and ten expensive cars. So, there is a different modesty for everyone. Next, there is another Shalit’s attempt to protect sexual modesty. She says:”the beauty of sexual modesty is that it protects your secrets for the man who truly loves you.” I feel that she reduces a man-woman relationship to a sexual, carnal contract. I’d like to ask to Shalit and you guys: Where is the companionship between man and woman in her ideas? And what about the respect? So, Ms. Shalit, I would like to inform you that life is not only about sex. I can understand that when you wrote this book you were a young girl discovering yourself. A proof that life is not all about sex is your grandparents’ relationship. What a beautiful mature relationship and companionship. But perhaps in the past they were all about sex either.
Jose Luis Iglesias