The first chapter of Wendy Shalit's A Return to Modesty was very interesting. Entitled 'The War on Embarrassment', the first chapter includes some of Shalit's personal experiences as a child dealing with "embarrassing" subject matters such as the introduction to sex education as a fourth grader and how she dealt with the issue. She recalls not being a part of the discussion and learning about the material, as her mother did not see it appropriate for her daughter to be learning about such topics. Shalit goes on to discuss the difference between sex education many years ago to the sex education recently instilled by many states. Shalit says the following of embarrassment: "embarrassment is acutually a wonderful thing, signaling that something very strange or every sifnificant is going on, that some boundary is being threatened- either by you or by others. Without embarrassment kids are weaker." My personal opinion on the first chapter of the book is that embarrassment and gratification usually go hand-in-hand. When I'm embarrassed it's usually because I've been put in my place or set straight. The chapter mainly focuses on sex education in the United States. I don't have a problem with children learning about sex education at an earlier age because I think they should be exposed to some of the facts. When it comes to figuring out what is ethically or morally correct, I think a lot of that comes from the households and environment in which the child is raised. The sex education teachers don't give the kids all the information they can possibly learn about the subject and some is left to the parents to explain. I feel like that is a duty and responsibility of a parent to talk to their kids about what choices are right and wrong when it comes to sex. Girls being "bullied" at school or "sexually harassed" about not knowing about sex is ridiculous to me. In fourth grade I couldnt spell harrassment. I don't think boys are specifically trying to harm girls by saying things like that, I think they just don't know that its inappropriate. Maybe, instead of just complaining about 9-old-boys harrassing girls after sex education class, the states should start to instill classes about harrassment?Just a thought.
-Brandon Kinlein
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When reading, it seemed to me like Shalit believes that embarrassment is an innate emotion, but I believe that embarrassment is a learned emotion. Being able to feel embarrassed helps us connect socially with one another in knowing what is acceptable and what is a social taboo. If the now society gradually accepts things that were supposed to be kept very private and personal in the past society, then we won't feel embarrassed anymore. What used to be socially unacceptable (example: anything dealing with sex) is now becoming more acceptable, so this feeling of embarrassment can be altered by whatever society deems to be all right. Then that makes me question, was society “better” back then or now? How do we know which one is more “right?”
I do think that her argument is very persuasive when correlating sex ed with sexual conflicts, but can one really correlate these two? There are many third variables that affect children these days, like the media, internet, television shows, etc.
Though it may seem as if I am in disagreement with her, I actually agree that there is a problem with modesty now-a-days. But I don’t know if using sex ed strengthens her argument. And I agree with you, Brandon, how much information that is taught to us in public school should be moderated. Teaching children what the number 69 is and what an orgasm is is just crazy to me. This is just unnecessary information. Some things should be left to parents. When I was in school I remember my parents receiving a consent form and an outline of what we would be discussing, so they would be aware of the things being taught to us; and if they didn’t agree, then they would “send us to the library.”
Oh yeah, there was a line that stuck out to me on page 25. She quotes, “So in a funny way, the facts about sex conceal the truth.” Maybe we are learning stuff way too fast and way too young. Some things are meant to be discovered on our own in our timing. So to end…ignorance is truly bliss.
I agree with you Brandon. I do not think sex education at a young age is a problem. Since society is more accepting and open about sex, children should be exposed to the subject at an earlier age than in the past. My first sex ed experience was in fourth grade, but it was not like Shalit explains. My teacher separated us from the boys and discussed more feminine issues such as the menstrual cycle, female anatomy, and STD's. I learned more about actual sex from my parents and my peers. I feel as though I was very naive on the subject until middle school when everyone was starting to experience it. Maybe that is why I do not see the problem with sex ed in elementary school? Although I do not see a problem with learning about the subject, I am in agreement with you, Joy, sex ed should be moderated. I was in complete shock when I read about children learning about orgasims and 69. Children should be given the basics and discover the rest with time and experience, not in school.
OOOPS. THE COMMENT ABOVE IS MINE! SORRY!!!
LINDSEY WINESBURG
I wondered during this first chapter if Shalit would have even written this book if she had attended the sex-ed classes in fourth grade?
I agree with the rest of you when you hint that our society has become a lot more "comfortable" with sexuality. The more comfortable we become with sexuality the more open we are. I'm certain that there can be an increase in harassment becuase of the increased knowledge at a younger age. But I really think a lot of it may come from the child's environment. My parents were fairly open with me when I was young and taught me right and wrong. I think a lot of kids are given the knowledge but might not know where to draw the line.
Did anyone read the introduction in this book? I had never even heard of "whirlpooling". Must have been something I missed out on as a child!
-John Johnson
I agree with you Bradoon. There is a lack of communication between teachers and students. There is a passage in which she said: "... But I didn't say a word. I still feel kind of guilt about it. I was afraid if I spoke up I would get into trouble and that I wouldn't be allowed to escape to the library anymore." My god. That was terrible. Can you imagine someone carring that kind of feeling during her teenager years? To me it's a nightmare. In my opinion the teachers think that their obligation with students is only to teach them academic subjects such as math, english, history, but they forget to talk to their students about day life problems or common issues in our day-by-day lives such as stress because of the exams, and relationship with their peers, among other things. Shalit shows in the first chapter that the relation teacher-student is more than teaching regular subjects. In addition to Shalit's ideas I think that the parents play a fundamental rule on their children's sex education. There is no one better than fathers and mothers to guide their kids through sex matters. For example, parents can answer some questions such as Why is it important to prevent pregnancy? Why is it important to use condo? Why is it important to select their partner? Answering these questions parents can help their kids to have a health sexual life in the future. In conclusion, for me communication is the key word in educating children.
Jose Luis Iglesias
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