'The Armor of Hope' section of Chapter Five really caught my attention. In particular, the opinion of therapist Judy Seifer who warns women, "to avoid sounding unbalanced, keep your expectations in check, realize that this wonderful man had a very full life before he met you and that this life will continue. Yes, you're a part of it, but you're not the only part of it...show him you're an independent person..."
In many ways I agree with this statement. I've had too many friends put all of their time and effort into a guy only to find their world shatter when the relationship ends. Why do many women become so dependent on their partner that they can't imagine life without him? Do men feel this way? Society makes it seem like women are needy,dependent and that guys just don't want the commitment. Maybe I don't understand this dependency to men because I have not been in a serious relationship in a while. I think two people can have a relationship and still have their own separate lives, friends, or something they can call their own. Especially at my age, I think young women have too much to look forward to and not enough time to latch ourselves to some silly boy!
P.S.- Don't get me wrong, I'm all about relationships, just not to the point it becomes an obsession.
-Lindsey Winesburg
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Chapter 4: New Perversions
“But we don’t believe in keeping girls safe anymore. We believe that their independence is more important” (Shalit,78).
While I was reading this chapter, the quote above really stood out to me, but I’m not sure if I support or oppose it. I was talking to my friend the other day about women, equality, and etiquettes. We argued about how society has changed women and men. I, being the woman, argued with a hit of Shalit saying that much etiquette has been abandoned because of our changing society; etiquettes such as giving up a sit for lady, not swearing in the presence of a lady, holding a door for lady (men still do these things, but many etiquettes have gone untaught or they have become outdated). He argued that “many of the etiquettes on how men treat women have become outdated because society today teaches women to be strong and independent. There are single moms working jobs and taking care of their kids. There is a woman who has the potential to become the next president. More and more women are getting degrees and working better jobs than men. Women don't 'need' to be taken care of anymore; they can take care of themselves now. Society is very different today than it was when men would give up their seats and open doors for ladies. Society is constantly changing and it always will.” What he said related a lot to the quote above. In this chapter Shalit gives an account of a girl named Kristin that was brutally murdered because of her strong independent nature... that made me question even more, “Are we (women) giving up our safety for independence?”
-Joy Jen
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Chapter 3 - The Fallout
Shalit starts this chapter out strong with this: "A society that has declared war on embarrassment is one that is hostile to women." Wow. What is she saying here? Is she trying to say that only women are embarrassed and because of that men prey on them? This really threw me off.
Next she talks about rape. She mentions a survey among teenagers and throws out some really high percentages. I really find it hard to believe that so many teenagers thought it was ok to have non-concensual sex with a woman, no matter the scenario. Was I raised differently? I'm sure that as soon as I was able to speak I would have answered no to a question like that. She mentions date-rape as well. I'd have to agree that this is a problem. When I was younger and in college I knew guy's that thought this was ok to do, even normal.
Ok I have to comment on the pornography section. There's nothing wrong with a little porno! I can see how women get upset about this, but it really is just a fantasy. If a guy is taking it to far, or it becomes an addiction then yes, there's a problem. I always laugh when I hear guys say something like "Oh she found some porn and says I have to get rid of it or else." I also get a kick out of women that are upset about their s/o's going to a strip club. I bet 90% of guys NEVER act on any desire they feel in a strip club, or when watching porn. I am not shocked by seeing a stripper. I'm not embarrassed by it either. I'm really quite comfortable with it and don't see it as a cultural problem at all.
It's hard for me to comment on the "Girls who can't say no" section. I'm not a girl, and I've never said no. ZING! j/k! I really think it's sad that this section suggests that women cannot say no to sex. They give into it and then feel bad about it later. In my opinion if a women isn't capable of saying no, she shouldn't put herself in that position with a guy. I realize us guys are charming and crafty but if you don't want to have sex then how can you be talked into it? Seems that maybe some women DO want to have sex then just regret it later.
-John Johnson
Next she talks about rape. She mentions a survey among teenagers and throws out some really high percentages. I really find it hard to believe that so many teenagers thought it was ok to have non-concensual sex with a woman, no matter the scenario. Was I raised differently? I'm sure that as soon as I was able to speak I would have answered no to a question like that. She mentions date-rape as well. I'd have to agree that this is a problem. When I was younger and in college I knew guy's that thought this was ok to do, even normal.
Ok I have to comment on the pornography section. There's nothing wrong with a little porno! I can see how women get upset about this, but it really is just a fantasy. If a guy is taking it to far, or it becomes an addiction then yes, there's a problem. I always laugh when I hear guys say something like "Oh she found some porn and says I have to get rid of it or else." I also get a kick out of women that are upset about their s/o's going to a strip club. I bet 90% of guys NEVER act on any desire they feel in a strip club, or when watching porn. I am not shocked by seeing a stripper. I'm not embarrassed by it either. I'm really quite comfortable with it and don't see it as a cultural problem at all.
It's hard for me to comment on the "Girls who can't say no" section. I'm not a girl, and I've never said no. ZING! j/k! I really think it's sad that this section suggests that women cannot say no to sex. They give into it and then feel bad about it later. In my opinion if a women isn't capable of saying no, she shouldn't put herself in that position with a guy. I realize us guys are charming and crafty but if you don't want to have sex then how can you be talked into it? Seems that maybe some women DO want to have sex then just regret it later.
-John Johnson
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Second Chapter - Postmodern Sexual Etiquette
I think that Shalit in chapter 2 addressed an interesting reflection about the question: What is the meaning of being a woman? She tried to find an explanation about the relationship between man and woman, and ask us: Why are the men too superficial in their relationships? In my opinion there is no simple answer to this kind of question. There are a lot of issues surrounding a relationship between man and woman. For example, cultural values in the society in which they belong to, family values, sexual orientation, changing values in the society, man’s maturity, woman’s maturity, man and woman’s life goals, and religion. So, as we can see it is not a simple analysis about the reasons why men are so cruel to hook up a girl and then dump her.
I think that sex is a serious decision in men and women’s lives. When one decides to have sex with someone he or she should know who his or her partner is. The first question that should be answered is: what do you expect from the relationship? If one wants just to have fun, then he or she should not be disappointed if he or she dumps you. However, if you are looking for a serious relationship, here are some ideas on how to minimize errors when choosing a partner. Try to find out more about your partner, his or her values, where he or she comes from, who his or her family is, what his or her life’s plans are. In other words, try to find out if you have something in common with him or her. When we are young we look for new experiences, curiosity, discovering new things and our sexual hormones levels are high. Consequently, we kind of take risks without thinking about what the consequences are going to be. We must acknowledge that the challenges that women face in life are more complicated than those that men do. A woman is more vulnerable because she can get pregnant, and if that happens and the man does not support her, she will have to raise a child on her own. But, I think that it is beautiful to be a woman, because they have the power of seduction, and to me it is good! A man without a woman is an incomplete person. I am not the kind of person who is afraid of having a daughter. By the way, I have a pretty and intelligent five-year old daughter. I disagree with Anne Roiphe when she says that when she saw that her child was a girl she said; “…have to tell her ah, what a terrible and painful process it is to be a woman…”. To be a woman is indeed a challenge, but as parents we must open a channel of communication with our child, and tell her about good and bad choices in life. Then if we understand what is happening in her moment of life we can give her guidance on how to choose the best path.
Jose Luis Iglesias
I think that sex is a serious decision in men and women’s lives. When one decides to have sex with someone he or she should know who his or her partner is. The first question that should be answered is: what do you expect from the relationship? If one wants just to have fun, then he or she should not be disappointed if he or she dumps you. However, if you are looking for a serious relationship, here are some ideas on how to minimize errors when choosing a partner. Try to find out more about your partner, his or her values, where he or she comes from, who his or her family is, what his or her life’s plans are. In other words, try to find out if you have something in common with him or her. When we are young we look for new experiences, curiosity, discovering new things and our sexual hormones levels are high. Consequently, we kind of take risks without thinking about what the consequences are going to be. We must acknowledge that the challenges that women face in life are more complicated than those that men do. A woman is more vulnerable because she can get pregnant, and if that happens and the man does not support her, she will have to raise a child on her own. But, I think that it is beautiful to be a woman, because they have the power of seduction, and to me it is good! A man without a woman is an incomplete person. I am not the kind of person who is afraid of having a daughter. By the way, I have a pretty and intelligent five-year old daughter. I disagree with Anne Roiphe when she says that when she saw that her child was a girl she said; “…have to tell her ah, what a terrible and painful process it is to be a woman…”. To be a woman is indeed a challenge, but as parents we must open a channel of communication with our child, and tell her about good and bad choices in life. Then if we understand what is happening in her moment of life we can give her guidance on how to choose the best path.
Jose Luis Iglesias
Monday, June 4, 2007
A Return To Modesty Chapter 1
The first chapter of Wendy Shalit's A Return to Modesty was very interesting. Entitled 'The War on Embarrassment', the first chapter includes some of Shalit's personal experiences as a child dealing with "embarrassing" subject matters such as the introduction to sex education as a fourth grader and how she dealt with the issue. She recalls not being a part of the discussion and learning about the material, as her mother did not see it appropriate for her daughter to be learning about such topics. Shalit goes on to discuss the difference between sex education many years ago to the sex education recently instilled by many states. Shalit says the following of embarrassment: "embarrassment is acutually a wonderful thing, signaling that something very strange or every sifnificant is going on, that some boundary is being threatened- either by you or by others. Without embarrassment kids are weaker." My personal opinion on the first chapter of the book is that embarrassment and gratification usually go hand-in-hand. When I'm embarrassed it's usually because I've been put in my place or set straight. The chapter mainly focuses on sex education in the United States. I don't have a problem with children learning about sex education at an earlier age because I think they should be exposed to some of the facts. When it comes to figuring out what is ethically or morally correct, I think a lot of that comes from the households and environment in which the child is raised. The sex education teachers don't give the kids all the information they can possibly learn about the subject and some is left to the parents to explain. I feel like that is a duty and responsibility of a parent to talk to their kids about what choices are right and wrong when it comes to sex. Girls being "bullied" at school or "sexually harassed" about not knowing about sex is ridiculous to me. In fourth grade I couldnt spell harrassment. I don't think boys are specifically trying to harm girls by saying things like that, I think they just don't know that its inappropriate. Maybe, instead of just complaining about 9-old-boys harrassing girls after sex education class, the states should start to instill classes about harrassment?Just a thought.
-Brandon Kinlein
-Brandon Kinlein
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